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Monday, April 22, 2013

Sexuality: What it should be {Marriage Monday}

Mondays are "Marriage Mondays" here at Living in the Light!  If you're new here (especially if you're visiting from the A to Z Challenge)--welcome!!  I'm so happy you're here.  Check out my "About Me" page HERE, some of my favorite posts on marriage HERE, and my two most popular posts HERE and HERE.

Today's letter for the A to Z Challenge is "S."  And on Mondays I write about marriage.  So what better topic for today than sex?

(By the way, no worries about graphic content here... my mother reads my blog!)

I believe that our society has a perverted view of sex.  This should be a fairly obvious fact.  Sex outside of marriage is so normal it's practically encouraged, homosexuality is legal in several states, pornography is way too easily available, and adultery within marriage is so common that it's joked about on television shows and in movies.  Half of all marriages nowadays end in divorce.
Obviously, our culture is doing something very, very wrong when it comes to sex.

For the Bible-believing Christian, the reason for this is quite obvious as well.  As a society in general, we don't do sex God's way anymore.  Celibacy outside of marriage is no longer encouraged as it used to be.  Faithfulness within marriage isn't stressed as essential.  Sexual promiscuity doesn't garner the disapproval it once did.  And as a result of Hollywood and the media as a whole, poor examples of what sex should be are displayed on our TV and computer screens every day.

I'm here to tell you that sex God's way is fantastic.  No, you don't need the details.  But sex, reserved for marriage and kept sacred within marriage, is incredibly fulfilling.  It contributes to the unity of husband and wife in a beautiful way.  It is the means by which God has provided for the procreation of children.  It is a source of great delight for husband and wife.  Sex within the bonds of marriage is a beautiful, blessed thing.

Satan does everything he can to make us forget that.  He has used the media to great effect to convey the idea that sex should be whatever we want it to be--that it's all about making ourselves feel good, so we can do whatever we want to gain our own pleasure.  He has twisted the Biblical design for sexuality to make it into something it was never intended to be.

When God created humanity, he made one man and one woman and gave them to each other with the command to "be fruitful and multiply."  Sex is reserved for marriage, and within marriage it is to be limited to the husband and the wife.

Sex is not dirty or gross.  We don't need to talk about it clandestinely.  It shouldn't be cause for blushing and giggles when it comes up in conversation.  Parents, please talk openly with your children about sex.  Don't give them details they don't need, of course, but make sure they aren't afraid to ask you about it.  Instill in them the understanding that sex, when used as God intended, is a beautiful gift to be cherished.

Also, I think that as the Church as a whole, we need to stop treating sex outside of marriage as if it's the unforgivable sin.  It's not.  It's a serious sin, to be sure, and it can come with all sorts of major consequences--sexually transmitted diseases, spiritual brokenness, damaged relationships, and disruption of lives.  But just like any other sin, where there is repentance, there is always forgiveness.  Each of us succumbs to temptation of one kind or another.  Sexual temptation is no different.  But we can't treat sexual sins as if they're "no big deal," either.  They are a big deal.  They are in direct contradiction to God's laws.  But God is always willing to forgive the repentant believer, and he is amazing at giving second (and third, and fourth...) chances.

So let's celebrate God's gift of sex!  But let's keep it within marriage.
Let's tell our children how great sex is within marriage... and let's help lead them to repentance, and then forgive them, if and when they step outside God's bounds for marriage.
Sex is a beautiful thing. And that's why I'm not afraid to write about it.

Linking with: The Alabaster Jar, What Joy is Mine, A Proverbs 31 Wife, The Better Mom, The Modest Mom, Yes They're All Ours  , To Love, Honor and Vacuum, Messy Marriage


  1. Yes sex is a wonderful thing , without we wouldn't be here but everyone has their own ideas on the subject and while I agree with what you write many more I'm afraid will not.


    1. I agree, Yvonne. And I definitely know not everyone will agree with what I have to say... but that's why it has to be said. I want EVERYONE to know how great sex is when it's kept within God's design and boundaries for it! Somebody's got to speak up, right? :)

  2. Lo'! Is this deep, or what? Just visiting from my Back 40 where birds and the bees are doing it, not just on Mondays.

    1. Haha, thanks, Margareta! :) Love your name, by the way. :)

  3. I agree wholeheartedly. Bob and I have done a couple marriage studies in the recent past. It is so important to especially talk to teenagers about sex, and the boundaries that God has put on it, and the joy that He has built into it when practiced within the marriage relationship. God's plan for marriage is amazing, and should be spoken of freely and often!

    1. Thank you SO much, Toni! :) My parents help lead marriage retreats regularly, and this is part of what they talk about. :)

  4. Amen. Sex in a Godly way is WONDERFUL!

  5. I totally agree. Thanks for sharing.

  6. Good post. You made your point very well. New follower, Shawn from Reading Practice

    1. Thanks for commenting, and thank you so much for following!

  7. I wholeheartedly agree, Jaimie. Thanks for telling it like it is and should be. Sex is foundational to marriage--either tearing it down when misused or building it up when expressed within the godly boundaries of scripture. Great job, my friend!

  8. "Sex is a beautiful gift to be cherished." So true. It might be fun, or tender, or playful or mellow - sex in marriage is a nuanced gift. Great post!

  9. I can't say I agree with this.

    I mean sure, I am happily married in a loving devoted monogamous relationship. My wife and I are very happy and we have a great life together. At that should be the end of my opinion on what other people do.

    You said "homosexuality is legal in several states". Seriously? You honestly believe this?

    You can believe what you want, but your rights end when you try to stamp out the rights of others. Yes homosexuality is legal. And with some luck and hard work Marriage Equality will be legal for all.

    I was proud of my little sister when she got married to the man she loved. I was just as proud when my younger brother was able to get married to the man he loved too.

    Tim Brannan
    The Other Side and The Witch
    Red Sonja: She-Devil with a Sword
    The Freedom of Nonbelief

    1. Tim, thanks for your perspective. I really appreciate when people with opinions different than mine comment on my posts! It keeps things interesting around here. :)

      First of all, sorry it's taken me so long to respond to this! I wish I was better at keeping up with comments.

      I don't quite understand the phrasing of the statement "You said 'homosexuality is LEGAL in several states.' Seriously? You honestly believe this?"

      I do think it's unfortunate that homosexuality is legal, if that's what you're asking. I believe it's wrong. Why? Because God says so in His Word.

      I'm not trying to stamp out the rights of others any more than I am trying to get rid of my own rights. Everyone has the "right" to make their own choices and decisions. That doesn't mean those choices and decisions ARE right.

      I know that I can't convince anyone who doesn't already believe it that God set a rule for what is right and what is wrong. But he HAS, whether anyone believes it or not, and anyone who disobeys him is wrong and sinning. I disobey him all the time, which is why I am in desperate need of his forgiveness--and why I am therefore so thankful for the forgiveness that he has given me through Jesus Christ.

      Any sin is forgivable... but the sinner must recognize that they ARE sinning and in need of God's grace and forgiveness.

      The fact that homosexuality has been legalized is one other sign of the pervasiveness of Satan in this world. But I take comfort in knowing that through his death and resurrection, Jesus has already vanquished Satan, as well as sin and death, and that thanks to Jesus, I have the promise of eternal life.

    2. Thanks for responding.

      You know that Jesus never said anything about homosexuality right? He never said it was a sin. (If he existed at all, which I doubt). Sure it's in the Old Testament, but so is advice on how to sell your daughter into slavery and not wearing clothes made of two different materials. Even then it depends on which translation you read.

      Also what about other religions? By making a private practice two consenting adults do illegal you are forcing your religious belief onto others. Which IS actually against the law. It is against the highest law in the US, the Constitution.

      Take your argument above, remove the superstition, and all you have left is that you don't like it. Sorry that is not how laws are made.

      You say "I do think it's unfortunate that homosexuality is legal," and then you say "I'm not trying to stamp out the rights of others any more than I am trying to get rid of my own rights". Those are mutually exclusive statements. You actually expressed dismay that the others have the same rights you do because YOU don't agree with them. It doesn't matter if you say god, Thor, Rama, Allah or Osiris says it's bad. They don't get a say.

      I take comfort knowing that Delaware just passed legal marriages for all; straight and gay.

      Like I said I am already married, I don't have a dog in this race. But willful ignorance and deciding that a certain group of people are somehow less suited to the same rights the rest of us enjoy, well that I can't abide by.

    3. No, Jesus didn't explicitly say, in the Bible, "Homosexuality is wrong." However, we don't know everything Jesus said (John 20:31), and we do know that he was a Jew, which meant he followed the Levitical code, which condemned homosexuality. Paul also wrote to the Corinthians that homosexuality is wrong. Also, Jesus did exist--there is historical evidence outside the Bible, from secular authorities. See the writings of Josephus, especially. However, if you don't believe he existed, nothing I say will convince you. That's the Holy Spirit's job.

      The discussion of all the laws in Leviticus is a long and complicated one. Suffice it to say that we are still bound to obey God's law, but Jesus has fulfilled the whole law, so many of the Jewish laws of the Old Testament are no longer valid. The Ten Commandments, however (including the commandment to honor marriage as God designed it, which is for one man and one woman), have not been nullified. Thus, in order to honor marriage and sexuality as God designed them (see Genesis 3), we must keep sexuality within marriage and marriage between one man and one woman.

      Also, from a purely physical and biological standpoint, homosexuality simply doesn't make sense. Men weren't designed to have sex with men. Nor were women with women. It's just not physically right. Or possible.

      Next, your point about the legality of homosexuality. Whether or not homosexuality is right is not simply a religious issue. It is a social, psychological, emotional, physical, and spiritual issue. It falls under the umbrella of things like rape, child pornography, incest, etc. These things have nothing to do with religious belief. They are harmful and universally accepted as wrong. And, therefore, illegal.

      We do not follow the Constitution merely because it's a document that the early leaders of our country thought up. We follow the Constitution because the writers of it drew it from a spiritual foundation--namely, the idea that all humans have inherent worth, that they have a soul. If you take away God, who gives all things their worth, you take away everything. Moral relativism--morality without a higher power--simply doesn't work.

      Also, just because I think homosexuality is wrong doesn't mean I'm going to tell other people they can't do it. I can't stop anybody from making their own personal choices. It's not about rights. It's about obeying God, but that's only valid if you believe in him-- which I know you don't.

      Taking God out of the argument makes the whole thing pointless. And, as I said, there's no convincing you if you don't want to be convinced. But truth is truth, because God determines truth, not us.

  10. ok, lets break this up a bit.

    P1: We don't know what he said, so ...lets assume a bunch of stuff even if it means restricting the rights of others. I don't think so.

    P2: Your interpretation and your god. Christianity is not the only religion on this planet, it's not even the oldest. This narrow view, dark ages mind set has no place in today's world.

    P3: Ahh.. the argument from biology. Except there are homosexual animals. Read anything about the bonobos our closest genetic relatives.

    P4: wow. You are equating homosexuality to rape? How 1950s of you. I'll cut you some slack because you are young, but as a professional psychologist and former Qualified Mental Health Professional I can tell you that NO psychologist would agree with this.

    P5: "the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion" John Adams, author of the Treaty of Tripoli (where the quote is from) AND coauthor of Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. Aided by Thomas Jefferson who was a Deist, not a Christian.

    P6: but if you want it illegal then you are doing exactly that. Telling people they can't do it.

    P7: funny I was thinking the same, though about you. Yes. I don't believe in any sort of god whatsoever. Truth is, and always has been a relativistic thing.

    I was worried when I posted that you might be too far removed from my reality to convince you of the larger point, but maybe some of the smaller ones of people can chart their own lives and still be good people. But with the comment grouping homosexuality with rape and incest I see that I really can do nothing here. I don't try to convince a cat to be a dog for example.
    So I take solace in knowing that the world is more like I see it. No fault of yours. I'll come back in 10-15 years when you have had a chance to actually be part of the real world.

    1. I see I hit a nerve, because in each paragraph above you have attacked me instead of my views. Truth is truth whether we decide it is or not.

      If I'm wrong, and God does not exist, and heaven, hell, and Satan do not exist--then when we die, nothing will happen, and life is pointless.

      If I'm right, and God DOES exist, and Jesus DID live on this earth to die and rise and pay the price for my sins and the sins of all other people, then my life has incredible purpose and meaning because I'm living for God, who loves me more than I can imagine. He has given me and all other people worth and value because he has made all of us. When I die, it won't be forever--and there is something to look forward to after death. I'll spend eternity in the greatest bliss imaginable, in the presence of my God and Savior.

      This IS the real world.

    2. Less hit a nerve and more got me before coffee.

      Look. You seem like a nice person and the truth is that it really doesn't matter what either of us say. The World is as it is.

      I am happy I get to live in a world that exists, not because of some magical creation but because we survived insurmountable odds. Every atom in our bodies and planet, forged deep inside a star that exploded and then collected into heavier and heavier materials. Hydrogen, Oxygen, Carbon formed from nuclear fusion to reform into hydrocarbons that eventually sparked to life and spending billions of years growing and changing and evolving to us. When I think of staggering probabilities that lead to just one person, and then combine that also lead to another person that might actually want to spend time with the first one then there is no way I can say "no, you two can't be together because your tab A doesn't fit into their slot B".
      Sorry, I am not cruel.
      Life IS all we have. I am not going to tell others how to live it nor am I going to stand in their way.

    3. Glad you got your coffee. :)

      I agree with this: it doesn't matter what either of us says. The world is as it is.

      Let's end on a positive note, shall we? :)


I love reading your thoughts and opinions!