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Wednesday, March 20, 2013

How to Use Words for Good in Your Marriage

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."  Ah, the bravado rhyme heard in schoolyards across America.
Or was that just when I was in first grade?

Anyway, we've all heard it...and if we have any life experience at all, we know it's not true.
Words are incredibly powerful.  They have the ability to encourage, lift up, relieve, restore-- or break down, sadden, anger, and injure.

Have you ever thought about how your use of words can make a difference, for better or for worse, in your marriage?

Some of the most important words we've ever said to each other--our wedding vows!

Ladies, let me share a little secret with you: men often have very fragile egos.  Most of them won't admit this, but it's true, unless your man is blessed with extraordinary self-confidence.

What does this mean?  Well, men are usually the ones with the job of financially providing for their family.  If they feel that they don't do this as well as they think they should, it will be a touchy subject, and they need to hear your encouragement that they do work hard and do a good job providing.

Men sometimes have insecurities about their physical appearance.  This isn't true for all guys, but no matter how your husband feels about himself, he will appreciate being told how hot you think he is. ;)

Probably the area in which men can sometimes have the least self-confidence is their sexuality.  Ladies, our husband want to know that we need, want and desire them sexually.  When we initiate, they take that as a huge compliment, because it means we actually like them and like sex with them.  If a man knows he's able to please his wife sexually, it'll increase his confidence in all other areas of his life!

Now, these are meant to be generalizations.  Not all men think the same, not all men need the same encouragement, and not all men have the same insecurities.  But these are the biggies for most guys.  Talk to your husband, or just observe him and pay close attention to what he says, and try to determine those areas of his life in which he struggles with confidence.

Then, learn how to encourage him, build him up, and strengthen his confidence in himself!

Use words for good in your marriage.  Avoid making comments that may hurt him, even if you don't mean them to be hurtful, and don't intentionally insult him or anything that makes him who he is.  I have shoved my foot in my mouth more than once by making a stupid comment that I didn't intend to mean much, but that hurt my husband considerably.  I felt horrible.  And it's a lot harder to make up for something you shouldn't have said than it is to just avoid saying it in the first place.

When you start looking for ways to build your husband up with your words, watch his attitude change.  A husband wants approval from his wife, and when he gets it, he feels like he can do anything.  Knowing that you, his wife, think he's great, will make your husband feel like he's on top of the world.

(And when he's happy, just watch how your own mood improves!)

So tell me, ladies, how do you use words to encourage and strengthen your husband?  Gentlemen, how do you encourage your wives verbally?  Any ideas or advice for me?

Linking with: Deep Roots at Home, To Love, Honor and Vacuum , We are THAT Family, Raising Homemakers, Messy Marriage, Yes They're All Ours


  1. Jaimie what you have written is most true, when I was married we had our ups and downs but as you say words can be powerful. We were always there for one another and to support our children, sadly he is no longer with me I kept that final powerful worded vow "Til Death Do Us Part" I was at his bedside.
    Be happy together.

    1. Yvonne, what a wonderful witness to the love and power of Christ within marriage! Thank you for sharing. I pray that my husband and I will be there for each other for our whole lives. We are so blessed to have each other. :)

  2. This is so very true!! Our words make a huge impact on our husbands . . . and on our children, too! Thanks for the encouragement and for linking up for Marriage Monday! I hope to visit here again for your April blog challenge!

    1. Thanks for hosting the link-up! Yes, I want to get in the good habit now, so that when we have children I can build up their daddy in front of them. :)

  3. In the moment, I think I often underestimate the power of my words to hurt, or the flip-side, to build up my husband. This is a great reminder, Jaimie. We all could use a little improvement in this area and I know it would bless my husband and my marriage if I'd give more attention to it. Your words have been heeded and I'm going to focus more on it today. Thanks so much for sharing this and linking it up with Wedded Wed!

    1. Thanks, Beth! I need to listen to my own advice ALL the time. :) Thanks for hosting the link-up. :)


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