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Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Knowing My Husband

In the midst of a discussion with my husband the other day, he said something that has stuck with me:

"I want you to know my heart on this."

I realized that I had been trying to figure out what he was thinking, when I didn't need to know what was in his head, but in his heart.

Many of our choices, decisions, actions, and reactions are based on our strong beliefs or feelings, things that are a part of who we are.
Those beliefs and feelings aren't always obvious to those around us.
It became painfully evident to me that my husband's feelings, and the reasons for them, weren't as obvious to me as they should have been.

There I was, thinking that my husband was saying or doing things with negative intentions toward me.  That wasn't true at all.  I just didn't understand how he was feeling, which was based in opinions, habits and ideas that are a deep-rooted part of him.
When we both were intentional about knowing each other's hearts, then we were able to work through the difficulty because we could really see the other person's perspective.

I realized that I haven't been as intentional about really knowing my husband as I could be.

In the New King James Version, Genesis 4:1 is translated "Now Adam knew Eve his wife..."  In the New International Version, the same verse is translated as "Adam lay with his wife Eve..."  I like the NKJV better.  The sexual relationship between Adam and Eve was so much more than "laying" together.  They "knew" each other, in the most intimate possible way.  I want a spiritual "knowing" of my husband, to know who he is in the most hidden parts of his heart and mind.

This is a good goal to have...but it is only truly accomplished by one person.

This is how God knows us.  God, who has known us since before we were born...
"My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."  Psalm 139:15-16
In Psalm 44:21 and Acts 15:8, we learn that God knows the hearts of all people--even the inner secrets of their hearts.  The writer of Psalm 139 ended that psalm by asking God to search his heart:
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24
God knows our hearts.  He knows our minds and thoughts.  He knows our inner feelings, more intimately and completely than even we know ourselves.

In time I will know my husband's heart more and become better at understanding it.  We are both fallible, sinful human beings, and our marriage will always be a work in progress, but with God's help and by his grace we'll improve all the time.

In the meantime, I will ask God to help me know my husband's heart, and for him to know mine, in imitation of the way that God knows ours.

Linking up today...
New Life Steward; The Fontenot Four; To Love, Honor and Vacuum; A Wise Woman Builds Her Home; Deep Roots at Home; Women Living Well


  1. I just read something similar to this on another blog ( I'm trying to store up the wisdom I read for when I'm married one day. :)
    Found you via Beauty for Ashes. Following!

    1. Thanks so much, Becca! I got your email back but my email is acting weird. :P I'm from Wisconsin originally, myself! :)

  2. I LOVE Psalm 139:23-24!!! What a wonderful post! Thank you so much for linking up @ Into the Word Wednesday today!

    1. Thank you, and of course! I've been loving this link-up the last few weeks. :)

  3. That intimacy, knowing each other's heart, is one of the best things about marriage! We'll be celebrating twenty years this September, and, in some respects, we're still getting to know each other. Thanks, Jaimie.

    1. I've discovered that already, Meghan! And my parents say the same thing--they're still learning, and it just keeps getting better. :) Congratulations on twenty years! That's wonderful! :)

  4. Great insight here! It takes real love and maturity to trust what you KNOW about our spouses (that they love and want the best for us) and work through difficulties and misunderstandings.

    BTW: did you know your mentoring post was featured at Mercy Ink on Tuesday? I tried to send you an e-mail but apparently it didn't's not in my "sent" folder.

    1. Mary Beth, I did get your email. My email is acting a little wacky lately...that's probably why.

      And thank you! Yes, I think it comes down to trusting that our spouses, in their heart, want the best for us... knowing that they're sinners saved by grace (just like we are!) helps a lot.

  5. What an incredibly loving thing for your husband to say to you! And this post... A great reminder to be intentional about getting to KNOW my husband. Thank you for that!!

  6. Really great to remember. I need to work on this. I feel my husband & I know each other intimately in all ways as God intended. I want to be sure I'm honoring him by trusting him.
    Thanks for linking up today!
    Kelly @ Exceptionalistic


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