This was after I'd started crying again, that time because of the wise and grace-filled words of a friend (the first time yesterday was in the car listening to Laura Story's Blessings).
It was one of those days. Those days when worry and doubt seemed to overwhelm me. When I felt full of guilt for not being in the Word or in prayer nearly as much as I know I should be.
So, knowing my heart, and my doubts, God spoke to me in a few ways. Convicted my heart...and then encouraged and comforted it.
"We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
as if every promise from Your Word is not enough..."
Those were the words from Blessings that convicted me. Yep. That's exactly what I was doing...forgetting all of God's promises from his Word, that he would provide, that he would bless me beyond anything I deserve, that he would not forsake me.
Then, my friend wrote these words to me on Facebook:
"I've noticed that when I run into some funks [I had said that I felt like I was in a "spiritual funk"] I tend to feel guilty for not feeling repentant or loving or whatever the case may be. But I don't want to force the feeling either. I mean, God knows as well as I that it wouldn't be genuine. And I'm coming to realize more what Jesus meant when he said that where a man's treasure is, there his heart will be also. Like, my heart may not be feeling those things, but I can't change my heart's mind by willpower. Instead, I think feelings follow actions in most cases, and that where I invest my "treasure" - time, effort, energy, talents, materials - that then my heart is going to be invested over time as well...and the more I practice that, the more I am certain it is true.
And so when it comes to those funks, all I can do is be intentional about investment in the Word, etc...and then everything falls into place.
Of course, the lovely Holy Spirit is behind all of that."
"Lead your heart," Joshua told me after I read the above message from my friend.
Then later, when I was sitting on his lap and trying to explain why I'd been feeling the way I had all day, he said to me, "I get you." I realized that I hadn't been giving him enough credit...of course my husband understands me. He might not all the time, but he knows me better than anyone. I was glad to be woken up to the fact that he really did understand how I was feeling...and then it hit me.
I had, perhaps unintentionally, been assuming the same things of God--that he didn't understand what I was going through, that I had to try to carry the burden by myself, that worrying and fretting was the only way to accomplish anything... that talking to him wouldn't do any good.
It was as if God, in his immeasurable grace, said to me, "I get you. Do you think I don't understand, child? I understand exactly what you're feeling in your heart...I know what you're doing and why. And I'm still in control. You don't have to worry. You don't have to do it on your own. That's why you have friends, family and a husband who all love you. That's what I'm for. I'm taking care of you. That's not your job."
That's the message I got from everything yesterday.
And God has the same message for you. Even when it might not feel like it, God understands you. He gets you. He knows your heart even better than you know yourself!
Our Father is just wonderful. When we sin, he not only helps us realize what we're doing wrong, but he immediately reminds us that we're forgiven, and he's taking care of everything. He speaks to us through music, through the words of others, through the love of those around us. His words to us might even be audible, a "little voice" in our heads (although that's not how it was for me yesterday). But God still speaks to us. He knows what we need to hear.
He gets us.
(and just as a little reminder and encouragement for you today...the song that spoke to me yesterday and many times before...)
Linking up today:
The Better Mom; What Joy is Mine; lowercase letters; Raising Arrows; The Alabaster Jar; To Love, Honor and Vacuum