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Monday, July 9, 2012

Focusing on My Husband

Distractions abound in our society of short attention spans and constant busyness.  We're distracted from working, from resting,being with our family, our job.  With a constant flow of information available, it's easy to check our email, or Facebook, send a tweet, or read a blog post.  I know that those and other things are my distractions.  I'm often distracted from housework, my Bible reading, my to-do list, and...from my husband.

In a world full of distractions, it is way too easy for our priorities to get out of whack. Are we keeping God first and foremost, and then focusing on our spouse? What distracts us? How can we keep focused?

(I'm coming at this with the assumption that my readers are in a mostly healthy, Christian marriage.  I realize that there are exceptions.  But this is the situation with which I have experience, so it is the situation about which I write.)
What distracts us?
Media.  I'm quite aware of the recent craze and hype surrounding "50 Shades of Gray" and "Magic Mike."  {No, don't look for a post from me about either one.  I haven't done a lot of research into either, but I've learned enough to know that I will not be reading or watching them.}  These and other media provide a huge distraction to women.  Even seemingly "tame" romance movies (many of which I really enjoy!) can be distracting.  I think the biggest reason for this is that they present an idealized picture of marriage, sex, and romantic relationships.  We wonder why our marriage/sex/relationship can't be like the one we see on the screen or read about on the page.  This turns our focus onto a fantasy instead of onto our husband.

Other men.  Do we allow our eyes--and our thoughts--to wander?  For women, who are not as visually stimulated as men, seeing other attractive men isn't always a big problem, although it can be.  Looking at other men and thinking about them sexually is wrong.  Jesus said that "anyone who looks at a woman (or man) lustfully has already committed adultery with her (him) in his (her) heart" (Matthew 8:28).  Plain and simple.  However, we women can also be distracted by reading or hearing about a man different from our husband.  This can encourage thoughts such as, "Why didn't my husband do this-or-that the way this other man did?  Why can't my husband be like this?  Doesn't he know this about women like that other man does?"

Negativity.  Do we focus only on our husband's bad qualities?  This connects with the previous point.  If we're always negatively comparing our husband to other men, we're going to be very distracted from the good qualities our husband has--and he DOES have them!

Our own selves and lives.  Are we so focused on our housework/children/job/whatever that we (often unknowingly) lose sight of our husband, who should be our first priority (after God)?  I know that this is the one I struggle with the most.  I often get so caught up in making good meals, keeping a clean house, and my jobs outside the home that I forget how much my husband appreciates it when I spend time with him, not necessarily doing things for him.

So how do we focus on our husbands?
When we are constantly surrounded by distractions, we are going to have to FIGHT to keep our husbands at the very top of our priority list!!  Satan will do everything he can to get in our way.  But God's Word is our greatest weapon against Satan's attacks and our greatest tool to help make our marriage work!
Your marriage is JUST you and your husband!  Nothing and no one else (except God, who should be the center of your marriage!) should infiltrate your marriage.  Period.  No real or imaginary person, movie, book, celebrity, pornography, or anything else, should ever come between you and your spouse.  When God created marriage, he said, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).  Marriage is one man and one woman united by God to be one flesh.  Nothing else is part of that equation.
Honor your marriage and keep your married sexuality pure.  This connects with the above point.  The writer to the Hebrews said, "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and the sexually immoral" (Hebrews 13:4).  Sex within marriage is a beautiful, wondrous thing, when it is kept between the husband and wife.  Focus on your husband, and only him, when it comes to sex.
Think about the good things!  Paul wrote to the Philippians, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things" (Philippians 4:8).  Look for the good in your husband!  And tell him what you find praiseworthy in him.  Look for the true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable in your marriage.  Banish thoughts from your head that don't fall into those categories.  Throw out the false, worthless, wrong, impure, and ugly from your relationship.  Let God be the center of your marriage.  Let the Holy Spirit fill both of you.  Where God is, there is the good, true and beautiful.  Let Him be the Lord of your thoughts, your marriage, and your lives.
Look for ways to bring your husband honor.  In Proverbs 31, we read of "the wife of noble character."  "Her husband has full confidence in her, and lacks nothing of value.  She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life" (verses 11, 12).  "Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land" (23).  "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all'" (28, 29).  How can we, as a wife, bring respect, good, and praise to our husbands?  When we actively seek ways to do this, we will be focused positively on them.

Let me say once again that God should always be our highest priority.  Nothing should ever become more important than He is in our lives.  However, immediately after God should come our husbands.  Our marriage is our most important earthly relationship, and when our relationship with God and with our spouse is on the right track, the others will follow.
This is not an exhaustive list of suggestions by any means.  They are building blocks upon which to build a foundation of positive focus on our husbands.  And I will be going back to this myself as a reminder that I need every day!

How can you focus on your husband?  Do you have ideas to share that have worked for you?

Linking with:

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  1. Good word Jaimie!
    It is always so important to make sure that daily we are taking the time to say a loving and thoughtful word to our husband. To let them know we desire them and respect them.
    I have learned the power of intentionality- in my thoughts and actions- and how it can cultivate love and intimacy in my marriage.
    May God help us to daily protect our marriages and honor Him in how we love and serve each other. God bless you. :)

  2. This is a wonderful post! I focus on my husband by putting him above everything but God in my life. I make sure when he is sharing something to listen intently even if I don't know what a crank shaft is (husband is a mechanic!). I try to think of my husband more than I think of myself, and I try to meet any expectations or wants he has so he will be happy! When other relationships seem better than my relationship with my husband I always remind myself that there is no one that would be better for me than the guy I already have!!

  3. Out of curiosity... Given your conservative stance about most other things that you speak about in this blog, what are your beliefs about birth control, specifically contraception and contragestion?

    1. Interesting question, Steph!

      Simply put, I believe that any method of birth control that ends or inhibits the life of a fertilized egg--a fetus that IS a new baby, a new life--is wrong. This includes the "morning after" pill, the IUD which can end the life of an already-fertilized egg, and any form of abortion. I do NOT believe that contraception, preventing fertilization of an egg, is wrong. It's not ending an already-created life.

      Many will argue that any kind of contraception is still taking matters into my own hands. I believe in an all-powerful God who has complete control of the universe. If he wanted me to get pregnant, he could and would accomplish it whether I am using contraceptives or not. After all, he accomplished the conception of his Son without the help of a human man!

      Thanks for your question!


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