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Monday, June 18, 2012

to be beautiful for my husband (married women only)

The apostle Peter once wrote,

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.  Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.  For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful." (1 Peter 3: 3-5)

As wives, if you're anything like me, you want to be beautiful to your husband.  It's fun to be called hot and sexy, of course, but I would much rather be beautiful in my husband's eyes.

Considering what Peter wrote, this doesn't just mean physically beautiful.  Beauty comes in our actions, our attitudes, our thoughts and words.  First and foremost, beauty comes from within.  But how we look and act reflects that inner beauty.  Let's look at some ways we can work on being beautiful for our husbands.

~Our home is a reflection of who we are.  Right now, that principle holding true, I'm pretty cluttered and disorganized.  That's about accurate, but it will change soon. :)  Some men hold more value in a very clean, organized house than others, but I can guarantee you that any husband will appreciate a tidy, mostly-organized, tastefully decorated home.  Keeping such a home is good stewardship, honoring God by taking care of what he's given us, and it will reflect a positive attitude that takes pride in one's home and makes it reflect one's personality.

~I do spend some effort in making myself physically beautiful for my husband.  There are three main components to that:

The way we dress often reflects how we feel about ourselves and/or how we want others to view us.  Do we see ourselves as beautiful?  Do we want our husbands to look at us that way?  Then we'll dress in a way that reflects that.  I don't encourage immodest dressing--not by any means!  But I do encourage women to choose styles flattering to their figures, which are as many and varied as there are women.  I try to wear colors that flatter my skin tone and that my husband likes to see on me.  I try to avoid dressing sloppily or "frumpy."   I wear very little makeup, but I do try to keep my hair tidy and will wear some makeup and jewelry on occasion.

Our hygiene and health sends a big message about how we feel about ourselves.  I realize many women struggle with various issues that makes this difficult.  I'm not trying to be insensitive; I'm only trying to give some general advice based on what I've found to be helpful.  I brush my teeth at least twice a day because bad breath is something I struggle with sometimes.  I shower at least once every other day, if not more.  Smelling good and having a clean body are also beneficial for one's sex life...which I'll talk about shortly!  We women should also do our best to eat healthfully and encourage our husbands to do the same, in order to feel and look our best and have energy for daily life.

Exercise is something that I've struggled with myself for a long time.  I'm blessed with a metabolism that means I don't gain weight very easily, so I've never had to exercise in order to keep a slim figure.  But I've found that exercising does have many benefits:
I sleep better
I have a better appetite
I feel better overall
I get tired less during the day
I have more energy
I am stronger
My husband loves my toned muscles
I have increased self-confidence

The Alabaster Jar (to which I'm linking up today) has a fantastic post on this very topic.  I'd highly recommend it.
I know exercising sometimes isn't fun, but there are SO many options.  I do a combination weight training/cardio workout in our school's weight room, plus I bike or walk a couple miles a day, but you can do almost anything:
water sports
community softball or basketball leagues
exercise tapes designed for use in your living room (and these come in all varieties!)
working out at a local gym, YMCA, or community center
...whatever suits your fancy.

~Finally, how we make ourselves beautiful to our husbands sexually.  (Note: I will be frank but not graphic, writing only what I'd want my mother to read...because she does in fact read my blog. ;) )
This has two main components:
-Mental attitude
-Physical appearance

It's said that the main sex organ is the brain.  This is so true!  What our attitudes are about ourselves, our husbands, and sex in general determine how we'll present ourselves to our husbands.
Some women are much more desirous for sex than others.  Some seem to want it even more than their husbands do!  Whichever category you fall into, I would recommend that you sometimes take on the role of initiator.  This shows that you have self-confidence, which is usually a big turn-on to our husbands, and they will (usually!) respond in a way that increases our self-confidence.
When you do approach him, I would recommend that you do the following:
-Be confident
-Don't nag
Every husband will want something different from his wife (use your imagination, and talk to him), but I can guarantee that they will all want you to be confident in yourself, and they won't want you to nag about it.  I am guilty of not following both these tips.  Sometimes I just plain don't feel sexy.  Sometimes my husband is very distracted with something else and he never likes me getting in his face and being annoying.  Neither of these things make me beautiful to I need to work on those areas.
Attitude is everything in bed, too, not just out of it.  Be flexible--and I don't mean just physically.  Don't be afraid to try new things.  Who knows, you may find that you really like them! :)  Don't be too stubborn or afraid to talk with your husband about what he likes and desires...and about what you like and want.  The best way to please each other is ask--that way you know how!
Finally, your physical appearance is important in making yourself beautiful to your husband sexually.  This connects with what we've already talked about regarding appearance, hygiene, and exercise (keep yourself clean and smelling good; take care of your body; dress tastefully).  But I would add one more thing.  Men are visually stimulated--some more than others, but all of them are.  I can guarantee that no matter what shape you're in, your husband thinks your body is beautiful.  So show it off!  Visit Victoria's Secret--or a department store, if that's more in your budget--with your hubby, and have him pick out some lingerie and nighties for you.  If he likes you wearing old t-shirts and sweatpants to bed, then by all means, wear old t-shirts and sweatpants.  But give the more flirtatious things a chance, too.  Nightgowns can be beautiful, sexy and comfortable.

Remember, beauty first and foremost comes from within...from having, as Peter put it, "a gentle and quiet spirit."  You are a daughter of God, a creation of the Maker of the Universe, and (as a former Sunday School teacher used to say), "God don't make junk."  Period.  If you're struggling with your physical appearance right now, there are ways to fight and WIN that battle...but let me remind you, dear sister in Christ, that God sees you as beautiful.  You're forgiven and saved, washed clean by Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, and nothing can or will ever change that.

The Alabaster Jar
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miscellany monday at lowercase letters
Also linked to: Far Above Rubies; Growing Home; Thankful Homemaker; Time-Warp Wife; Cornerstone Confessions; Lessons from Ivy;  A Wise Woman Builds Her Home; Deep Roots at Home; To Love, Honor, and Vacuum; Women Living Well; Passionate and Creative Homemaking; Live Called; Your Thriving Family; Consider the Lilies; Finding Joy; Finding Beauty with Susan Godfrey


  1. "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." (Ps. 139)
    "Jesus said, I have come that they might have life and have it to the full". (Jn. 10:10)
    Jaimie, thank you for celebrating the wonderful gift God gives to husbands and wives. He longs for us to find delight and contentment in each other! Love you!

  2. Thank you Mom!! (See, I knew you'd read this... ;) ) I love you!

  3. Great outline - I needed to hear this - confidence is our best asset. This was a great reminder.

    Thanks so much for sharing. I surfed on in from Misc monday and so glad I did.
    Have a blessed day sister and I will become a follower as I dont want to miss anymore of these jewel posts of yours.

    Patty from

  4. Patty, thank you SO much!! Glad this could be an encouragement! :)

  5. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  6. Jaimie, I thought your post was biblical, helpful, along with transparent. It's not always easy to write on this topic, especially a woman's outer appearance. Don't be discouraged by any of the negative comments.

  7. Hey, are you on facebook or do you have an email so I can send you a private message?

  8. What a great post. Thank you for the reminder. I, like many woman, struggle to feel beautiful. My husband is great about telling me I am to him and that is all that matters. But it is hard to act beautiful if you don't feel it. I'm working on this both emotionally, mentally, and also physically. Thank you for the help.

    "Hopped" over from Raising Arrows.

  9. Jolene: Yes, I am on facebook and I have an email address on my Contact page (find link on right sidebar). Also: thank you dear, so much!!

    Anonymous... if you're the same anonymous who has posted before...I'm praying for you.
    IF you know me personally, you know that all my posts, including the last part of this one, are written straight from my heart without any intent to hurt or wound. I'm just writing about the Gospel: the Good News of what Jesus has done for us. That's what I'm all about, and that's what I try to make this blog all about.
    If you disagree with so much of what I write, it's ok if you don't read it anymore. I'm not trying to hurt you or anyone else.

    Also, the people who matter most to me are always encouraging and if they have criticism for me, it's given out of love and for my benefit. I don't appreciate you making such a blanket statement about my readers who know me personally.

    Amanda... so glad I could be of help. Thanks for "hopping" over! Hope to "see" you again soon!

  10. What an AWESOME post, thanks for sharing! I have to program these positive thoughts in my head and try to not be hard on myself or my husband sometimes. Thanks again.

    1. thank you Carolyn!! So glad it was a blessing to you. :)

  11. Look at you girlfriend! I guess the Lord helped you part your red 'technical' sea!

    1. Yes, ma'am! I just sent you an email! I'm so excited! God is SO good! :)

  12. You've done a beautiful job. Much easier on the eyes! May the Lord be glorified from the words that spill on to this screen.

  13. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    1. Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed...if you don't have anything helpful to say and like to waste your time bashing on other people's opinions and flat out lying along with it, please go somewhere else.

      The guys who come looking for you obviously don't know what true love is but they sure seem to know what lust is. I've gone on dates with my husband to be with me in sweatpants and a ponytail and SOMEHOW we still manage to have fun just talking with each other.

      Jaimie, don't be discouraged. Keep posting. People need to hear what you have to say.

    2. Thank you so much, Jacquelyn. I'm encouraged by your reply, and shocked by what people will say under the mask of anonymity. That post won't stay up here long.

    3. I am going to pull out my spiritual sword against this ugly and ungodly comment by "Anonymous". Jaimie please continue to post , I enjoy reading them .

      "And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit." (Ephesians 6:17-18)

  14. I loved this post Jaimie! Thank you for posting it and love the tips about exercising....I have a good metabolism and don't put on that much weight either...but not that I'm preggo the pounds are starting to add!! lol...I've been trying to be more intentional about exercising! Thanks for sharing. AND I LOVE the new blog design!! It looks fantastic and VERY readable!! :)

  15. Wonderful post, Jaimie! Full of practical reminders and encouragement. Blessings to you!
    ~Heather @ourcultivatedlife

  16. Thanks for the reminder about the exercise part... It is easy to push that aside.

    1. I've struggled with the exercise thing for years. It's just been in the last few months that I've become more intentional about it...and boy, has it made a difference! Not only do I feel better and look better, but my husband appreciates it as well. That's a lot of motivation to get to the gym! :)

  17. Very insightful post! Thanks for linking up to Thrive @ Home Thursday. :)

  18. Great post! I've struggled over the years trying to be the "perfect" wife and check off all the things I am supposed to do until I was overwhelmed and just gave up. I stopped trying to be the proverbs 31 woman and, in a moment of breakdown, I asked my husband what was important. It turns out that he felt I was dressing far TOO modestly and that my efforts to please him were actually rooted in legalism rather than love. Now, I have relaxed a bit and enjoy fun hair colors and v-neck shirts again (though not TOO low!) because that fun side is what my husband likes and I like it too! Thank you for your insight. Thanks for linking up at Thrive @ Home Thursday!

    1. Audra, that is so fantastic! I'm learning how important it is to actually talk with my husband about ways he would like me to dress and behave. I'm so happy for you (and your husband! ;) ).

  19. Jaimie...this was tastefully and respectfully written. I love the encouragement you offer. Thank you for sharing at WJIM this week.

  20. My readers love you! You, AGAIN, were amongst the top 3 most viewed from last week's linkup. You will be featured tomorrow :-)

  21. Also, I was skimming through the comments and saw the back and forth about a mean comment that was left.

    I have since gotten rid of the option to be Anonymous on my blog since the only people who seem to use it are spammers or those who want to be mean.

  22. Thanks for a nice read, really made my day! More power to your blog.

  23. Beautiful post Jaimie. :) I totally agree, and from my experience I know all those things that you have mentioned to be true- esp. your comment about our thought life. Love is cultivated in the mind- especially as women- this is a powerful tool to add "fuel to the fire" of intimacy in our marriage. God bless you.


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