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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

A lot of pondering. And maybe some rambling...

It's been one of those weeks when I've come to realize a lot of things in a short amount of time.

1)  My husband was right at the beginning of the semester when he said I was trying to do too much.

2)  I have been spreading myself too thin.  Writing for the school paper has taken a backseat to much higher priorities (husband, home, school, work).

3)  I need my friends.  I miss my friends.  I am thankful for my friends.

4)  These last few months have changed me more than I knew.

5)  I am a terrible procrastinator.  (I already knew that, I was just reminded.)

6)  My time with God has been sorely lacking.  Getting back into the Word has GOT to be made a higher priority.

7)  Satan tries really hard to pull me down, distract me, make me belittle myself.  I don't have to let him.  "Satan, hear this proclamation: I am baptized into Christ! Drop your ugly accusation, I am not so soon enticed. Now that to the font I've traveled, all your might has come unraveled, And, against your tyranny, God, my Lord, unites with me!"  ("God's Own Child, I Gladly Say It," v. 3, text by Robert E. Voelker)

8)  I am not ready for it to be winter yet.

9)  Homemade bread is one of my favorite things, especially when Joshua and I make it together!

10) Joshua and I are so blessed in our relationship.  I'm daily more thankful, for so many reasons, that God gave us to each other.

11) There are days when I don't want to be grown-up any more.  I don't want all this responsibility.  I don't want two papers to write and three books to read and a quiz to study for.  I don't want a messy kitchen that never seems to stay clean.  I don't want to worry about a car and rent and paying for groceries.

But I do.  I do want all that.  I wouldn't have my life any other way.  I just tend to be a baby sometimes.

12) In contrast with the above, I love being a married woman, an independent adult!  I love having my own home, my own kitchen.  I love cooking for Joshua and me.  I love the fact that we're on the lookout for a car and have money for one.  I love that we're self-sufficient.  I love my classes and professors.  Well, mostly.  I LOVE being a wife--Joshua's wife!!

13) I don't have to be happy to know that I'm blessed.  Life isn't always rainbows and sunshine.  (But without rain, we wouldn't have rainbows.  Hm...)  It's okay to not always be happy.  It's not okay to worry, be lazy, be anxious.  But I don't always have to be the super-cheerful, happy-go-lucky person that I feel like people expect me to be.  I am always, continually, blessed.  I'm very thankful for what God has given me--that gives me an inner joy unlike any earthly joy.  But that doesn't mean I have to be happy and cheery.

14) Other people, other writers, are such encouragements to me!!  These people have inspired me today in what they've written:  Ann Voskamp and Jon Acuff.
15) I miss blogging when I don't do it.  Hence, this very long post.  I will post more regularly, I hope.  In the meantime, I wonder what all you people out there in the endless void of the internet are realizing today.

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